15 Humourous One-Liners from Mike Moore

As many of you know I am a lover of funny and not so funny one- liners. They not only make us laugh but they also contain a kernel of wisdom to make us think. That is why I never give a presentation without sprinkling liberal doses of one line humour throughout the content.

Here are 15 of my favourites. When the author is known credit is given. One thing I find about one-liners is that credit is often given to many authors for the same one-liner. Who actually wrote a one-liner is frequently either unknown or lost in the crowd of history. So just enjoy them.

Here they Are...

1.  Seen on a highway sign: She looked / He didn't / She is/ He isn't.

2.  Three stages of life...youth, middle age and you certainly are well preserved. Mike Moore

3.  Dear Lord help me be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

4.  A true gentleman is one who can play the bagpipes... and doesn't.

5.  You can  live to be 100 if you give up all those things that make you want to live to be     100    Woody Allen

6.  The lion and the lamb will lie down together but the lamb won't get much sleep. Woody Allen

7.  A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

8.  Gossip is hearing something you like about someone you don't. Earl Wilson

9.  I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.  Fred Allen

10.  Parents are the bones on which children sharpen their teeth. Peter Ustinov

11.  No problem is too big to run away from. Charles Schulz

12. Save water. Shower with a friend. (Graffiti)

13. Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. Isaac Asimov

14.  The best substitute for experience is being 16 years old.

15. The three most dreaded words by husbands everywhere are, " SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED."

Mike Moore is a Canadian speaker/ humourist/cartoonist working out of Brantford Ontario.
http://motivationalplus.com/cgi/a/t.cgi?motplus

If you would like to read more funny one-liners and learn how to use them in presentations or in general conversation click here http://motivationalplus.com/cgi/a/t.cgi?funny15